With the holiday season approaching it is best to make your fruitcake ahead of time and let it age. Here's a recipe I'm sure you will like if you follow the instructions exactly ;)
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey
1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl.
3. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
4. Repeat
5. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
6. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
7. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.
8. Turn off mixer.
9. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
10. Mix on the turner.
11. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
12. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
13. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
14. Check the whiskey.
15. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
16. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
17. Grease the oven.
18. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
19. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
20. Throw the bowl out the window.
21. Check the whiskey again.
22. Go to be.
23. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?
* I can't take credit for this hilarious recipe - it's been in the family for years!
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